Vol. I, No. 298

Forecast Scattered in-laws, light groaning

Today’s big storyWildcard

Definitional Loophole

Definitional Loophole. I’m retired in the sense that I was tired yesterday and I am tired again today.

Definitional Loophole

Tired again today. Retirement is confirmed.

The joke

I’m retired in the sense that I was tired yesterday and I am tired again today.

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  1. 1 Read the headline
  2. 2 The page turns itself
  3. 3 Groan, then send it
Yesterday’s editionSpineless From the Start

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This week in the paper

A new issue every day at midnight UTC. Monday is puns, Wednesday is animals, Friday is food, every other day is a Wildcard, and a few days of the year have a theme of their own. Tomorrow is Pun Monday.

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