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Late Edition

Vol. I, No. 311

Forecast Periodic showers of element puns

Today’s big storyWildcard

They used to time me with a stopwatch.

By Dad, Dinner Table Reporter

Same Guy Slower Clock. They used to time me with a stopwatch. Now, they use a calendar.

Same Guy Slower Clock

Stopwatch retired. Calendar promoted.

The answer

Now, they use a calendar.

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This week in the paper

MonPunTueWildcardWedAnimalThuWildcardFriFoodSatWildcardSunWildcard: Sunday, Wildcard, not yet printed

A new issue every day at midnight UTC. Monday is puns, Wednesday is animals, Friday is food, every other day is a Wildcard, and a few days of the year have a theme of their own. Tomorrow is a Wildcard.

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